So I was looking through my “Reader” here on WordPress and I came across this post: Don’t ya just feel like a fraud? over on And Also, Yes.
I have to admit, it is one of those honest readings that just made me think, WELL YA! I TOTALLY FEEL THAT WAY!
I am constantly writing ideas down on what I can talk about here and then I think to myself, I can’t talk about that. That’s silly. No one cares about that! Then I sit here and think some more and think, well who cares? It is my blog, I can talk about what I want to talk about. However, that’s when, just like that post says, I feel like a fraud.
The truth is, I do care. I want people to read and hear what I say. Isn’t that the reason to have a blog? To have others read and give us feedback about what we think and say? Isn’t it just because I want some kind of validation at some level.
Yes, I write My Weighty Story to help process what I’m going through, to give myself a therapeutic medium that is healthy. However, I also write My Weighty Story because I want to share my ups and downs with others who are going through the same thing. To hopefully inspire them, to tell them that no matter how hard it gets, no matter if you are or are not losing the weight, you are still making healthy lifestyle changes that benefit your life. You are elongating that life and making it better.
The story of my Daddy’s cancer? Well that one I “THINK” I am writing as a way to still work through my grief. I’m still working through it, and I find it therapeutic to write about what I went through. Maybe someone else can read it and find a way to deal with their own families story, or even just to say, “Okay. What I’m feeling is “normal”. Someone else felt that way too.” It is a work in progress, that really doesn’t have a REASON, other than every cell in my body telling me I need to tell the story.
Wall-E Tails? Well I just write that one for comic relief. I just want to share the silly, crazy, and quirkiness of my doggie.
However, for truth being told … I’m scared to death of being persecuted for my own thoughts, to be misunderstood, or cast aside like a dishtowel. THERE I SAID IT! This blog is hard for me to write. I admit things on here that make me nekkid, intellectually and in ego, and it is hard to sit here with my thoughts and feelings on the line.
I started my blog because there were things I wanted to say, and at the time I remember thinking, how am I going to get people to read this? The strong part of me says, this is therapy, this is good for me to just get my thoughts out on paper, and to process whatever I’m going through and who gives a rats tail if anyone reads it. Then there is that ego (ie: my weak side ) that says, but I WANT people to read, to take things from it. To FINALLY BE POPULAR AND LOVED! I know I’m a hypocrite in my own head.
One thing I have found about myself recently is that I really … well …. the best way to describe it is that I feel like a hypocrite in so many ways. Issues come up and I see both sides of arguments and I feel for both sides. Then I sit there on the fence, and want to apply one side to one issue, but the other side to another.
I try to tell myself that its just because there isn’t one size fits all answer, but while I do still believe that, is that also just being a Hypocrite?